He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
