No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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