I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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