i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
