I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
