I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
