no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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