I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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