Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
