Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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