I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
