Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
