why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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