well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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