cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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