masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
