Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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