another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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