paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
