just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
