Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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