mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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