on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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