I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
as a side note pls kill me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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