I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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