I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
