I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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