i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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