Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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