I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
