so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
