someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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