I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
