This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
