xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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