I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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