I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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