me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
