Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
