I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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