Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there was a trapeze. enough said
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
