he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
