just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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