If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
