how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
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All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.