Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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  (519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y
  Replies (22) Good night (1437) Bad night (3083)
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  (420): View more from

  So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth

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  (420): So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth http://tfl.nu/5fuc
  Replies (18) Good night (970) Bad night (6500)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

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  (717): i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does. http://tfl.nu/p0z8
  Replies (14) Good night (1790) Bad night (3443)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

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  (203): our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation. http://tfl.nu/5n6h
  Replies (3) Good night (2482) Bad night (1632)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

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  (919): we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni. http://tfl.nu/1ccz
  Replies (3) Good night (3569) Bad night (1439)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...

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  (419): Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl... http://tfl.nu/mv65
  Replies (8) Good night (4183) Bad night (1051)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.

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  (+44): Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS. http://tfl.nu/15we
  Replies (16) Good night (1644) Bad night (3383)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this

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  (778): She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this http://tfl.nu/vwo0
  Replies (5) Good night (1092) Bad night (2096)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao

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  (631): Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao http://tfl.nu/axpp
  Replies (7) Good night (1399) Bad night (690)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs

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  (519): The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs http://tfl.nu/wzfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1450) Bad night (622)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

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  (520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm
  Replies (5) Good night (1961) Bad night (559)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?

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  (716): I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest? http://tfl.nu/jsvy
  Replies (7) Good night (888) Bad night (565)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"

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  (778): we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon" http://tfl.nu/dp34
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (356)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.

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  (214): Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon. http://tfl.nu/qoak
  Replies (2) Good night (707) Bad night (294)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.

  (360): View more from Washington

  Welcome to Bellingham.

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  (360): Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open. (360): Welcome to Bellingham. http://tfl.nu/j634
  Replies (4) Good night (753) Bad night (233)

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