Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
