Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

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  (301): White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss. http://tfl.nu/246p
  Replies (5) Good night (667) Bad night (1340)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.

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  (+44): Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms. http://tfl.nu/jipl
  Replies (12) Good night (708) Bad night (4970)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
  Replies (33) Good night (10385) Bad night (912)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

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  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (34) Good night (6163) Bad night (2122)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

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  (208): I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table http://tfl.nu/g7sx
  Replies (15) Good night (3903) Bad night (1030)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.

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  (724): Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am. http://tfl.nu/emfv
  Replies (8) Good night (2368) Bad night (762)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

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  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (49) Good night (2852) Bad night (5021)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2525) Bad night (730)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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  (+64): You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited. http://tfl.nu/941d
  Replies (4) Good night (1526) Bad night (747)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.

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  (270): I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/i6l6
  Replies (5) Good night (3155) Bad night (507)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

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  (704): Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor. http://tfl.nu/wceh
  Replies (9) Good night (3698) Bad night (945)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.

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  (208): If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that. http://tfl.nu/eu5z
  Replies (5) Good night (1798) Bad night (345)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.

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  (206): Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear. http://tfl.nu/poja
  Replies (9) Good night (1257) Bad night (472)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.

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  (907): I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/mxr7
  Replies (6) Good night (872) Bad night (273)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.

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  (708): Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves. http://tfl.nu/d1rk
  Replies (3) Good night (231) Bad night (541)

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