Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag http://tfl.nu/fc0e
  Replies (134) Good night (1457) Bad night (4923)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Sharpest. Poop. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Sharpest. Poop. Ever. http://tfl.nu/efzq
  Replies (39) Good night (1052) Bad night (7899)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts? http://tfl.nu/1591
  Replies (14) Good night (1292) Bad night (4084)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing.. http://tfl.nu/daro
  Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (3108)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed http://tfl.nu/t2n3
  Replies (15) Good night (2860) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today http://tfl.nu/z5b2
  Replies (4) Good night (2142) Bad night (1161)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days http://tfl.nu/vazm
  Replies (6) Good night (1745) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks

  (1-573): View more from Missouri

  the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks (1-573): the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving.. http://tfl.nu/nln8
  Replies (10) Good night (996) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience http://tfl.nu/dzei
  Replies (8) Good night (1794) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone? http://tfl.nu/6czx
  Replies (6) Good night (1275) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?! http://tfl.nu/l6ig
  Replies (5) Good night (357) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season." http://tfl.nu/ns3v
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (188)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer. (651): also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some. http://tfl.nu/7hdm
  Replies (6) Good night (319) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press. http://tfl.nu/04mj
  Replies (1) Good night (213) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest. http://tfl.nu/8ghs
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (120)

Randomize