I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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