Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
