My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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