When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
