u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
