you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
