for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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