he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and she was petting her beer can
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
