Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
