I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
