Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
