I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
