so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
