he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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