You made me cry and you don't even care
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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