don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
