he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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