We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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