Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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