Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
