onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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