You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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