i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
