True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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