I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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