Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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