ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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