You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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