A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
