She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
