I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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