Jerry, you need to find god
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
