Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
