FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
