Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
