the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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