Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
